Thursday, July 29, 2010

Diamondbacks game!!!!

Earlier this summer we were given four amazing seats to a diamondbacks game!!! The kids had so much fun as well as Richard and I!!!

We had time to kill before the game started!!!

This picture was taken from our awesome seats!!

After the game, one of the workers gave Jackson a game ball!! He was so excited!!!

We had a blast!!

We are still alive!!

Just to let everyone know. . . we are, in fact, still alive!! It has been forever since I last posted, but I figured I would try to play a little bit of catch-up on (parts of) the last six months. . .SO SORRY!!

I did the Ragnar Relay with SOME of my most favorite people ever (Go Greek Freaks)!!!!

We took some stinkin' cute Easter pictures of Arwen and Jackson!!

We celebrated Jackson, Brodee and Trenton's 4th birthdays!

I got to do a team triathlon with some awesome girls!!! Yes this is the only picture of have of the three of us so how about you just close your eyes and try to imagine that my eyes are open and that I look amazing like my teammates!!

We got to watch our niece/cousin, Ellie, a couple times. Arwen and Jackson were in heaven!!

The cute girls snuggled together!!

We had some fun "GIRL TIME" while the boys were away at the Fathers-and-Sons!!

We got to watch Arwen's dance recital and she was adorable!! There were so many people who came to support her and didn't complain with the tickets being "sold out!" Satya, Halee and Sage as well as Aunt Kris and Uncle John were there too, but I don't have pictures of them!! Thanks for all the support!!

The kids did swimming lessons. We went to the movies, did some roofing in St. Johns as well as celebrated Pioneer days, went to family reunions, etc., but I slacked and I don't have pictures of any of these events!!

We have had a great summer and are getting ready to start school! :(

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Infertility update!!

I just wanted to take a minute and tell everyone THANKS SO MUCH for your prayers on our behalf. No. . . I am not yet pregnant, but I have felt completely HAPPY lately!! This is what I had asked family members and friends to pray for (my happiness) and it has made such a difference. I can testify that even though our Heavenly Father does not answer every prayer exactly when and how we want him to I know that he NEVER denies us comfort. He loves us and does whatever he can to get us through our trials in this life.

I still hope and pray that I will get pregnant again, but at this point in my life I have to turn everything over to my Heavenly Father and put my complete trust in him that things will happen when the time is right. As with every trial, I am sure there will come some more downs so I would ask that you would continue to keep our happiness in your prayers.

One more thing. . . I am going back to school. I have the one human anatomy class I am taking this semester and then I can apply for the MCC nursing program (just a semester behind Satya which is great because she has been such a blessing in helping me through the order of things). I am so excited. This has been a major change that has helped me to feel happy.

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Arwen and Jackson

As much as Arwen and Jackson can
sometimes drive me crazy,
did I mention how much I love them?!!

New Christmas outfits!!

Jackson's Zoolander pose . . .

Anjuli (Richard's sister) took a bunch of great family
pictures for us and here are a couple of
just Arwen and Jackson!!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Attitude of gratitude

Here is a list of SOME of the things I am thankful for (in no particular order, just as they come to me)

1. A wonderful husband, who is hard working, selfless and honors his priesthood

2. Arwen . . . and the way she can make me laugh, the way she comforts me when I am sad and when she tells me that when she sees people cry it makes her cry.

3. Jackson. . . and the way makes me laugh as well (he is funny) the way he snuggles me and tells me he loves me regularly.

4. Parents . . . (both mine and Richard's) who are amazing examples for us and who have given us so much (temporally, spiritually, emotionally, etc.)

5. Grandparents . . . need I say more?

6. Sisters (and in-laws) who have been there for me through the ups and downs and can almost always help to make me happy if I am sad.

7. Brothers (and in-laws) who have sacrificed so much of their time to serve my family.

8. Friends who are like sisters and who would do anything and have done so much for me.

9. Cousins, aunts and uncles. . . again need I say more?

10. The church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.

11. A living Prophet on the Earth - President Thomas S. Monson - and all of his apostles (general conference).

12. The Book of Mormon.

13. Temples - where I have had the opportunity to be sealed to my family forever.

14. My Savior Jesus Christ who has made it possible for me to live with him and my Heavenly Father again - he has felt every single feeling of sadness and pain I have ever felt - I am never alone because of this.

15. My Heavenly Father who loves me so much and has showed that love to me in many ways.

16. My testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

17. A beautiful home to live in to keep us safe and warm.

18. A car that runs well and can take us where we need to go.

19. Food to eat . . . we have never had to go hungry.

20. Richard's wonderful job and the fact that he still keeps busy with work.

21. Clothes and shoes.

22. Running water, working toilets, electricity. . . we took this for granted until we lived in a trailer in front of our unfinished house.

23. Volleyball . . . as cheesy as it may be there are many days that I have not been pregnant where I have volleyball to look forward to and cheer me up.

24. Dr. Pepper. . . I have to be honest.

25. Great movies . . . Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter

26. Great music.

27. Running. . . sometimes I am more grateful than others.

28. Christmas.

29. Birthdays.

30. Modern medicine, Doctors, hospitals, etc.

31. The power of prayer.

32. Priesthood blessings. . . have been comforted so many times because of these.

33. Digital cameras. . . we can take as many pictures as we want and make memories last forever.

34. Modern technology. . . internet and computers, email, etc.

35. Chocolate.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

"Lessons From Liberty Jail" - Jeffrey R. Holland (September Ensign)

A couple months ago (when I was having an especially hard time with my infertility trial), I was reading the Ensign and came across this talk by Jeffrey R. Holland. I am putting the link up, but I just wanted to quote a few of the things that really brought me comfort.

". . . In one way or another, great or small, dramatic or incidental, every one of us is going to spend a little time in Liberty Jail—spiritually speaking. We will face things we do not want to face for reasons that may not be our fault. Indeed, we may face difficult circumstances for reasons that were absolutely right and proper, reasons that came because we were trying to keep the commandments of the Lord. . ."

". . . Whenever these moments of our extremity come, we must not succumb to the fear that God has abandoned us or that He does not hear our prayers. He does hear us. He does see us. He does love us. When we are in dire circumstances and want to cry, “Where art Thou?” it is imperative that we remember He is right there with us—where He has always been! We must continue to believe, continue to have faith, continue to pray and plead with heaven, even if we feel for a time our prayers are not heard and that God has somehow gone away. He is there. Our prayers are heard. And when we weep He and the angels of heaven weep with us. . ."

". . . We are not alone in our little prisons here. When suffering, we may in fact be nearer to God than we’ve ever been in our entire lives. That knowledge can turn every such situation into a would-be temple.
Regarding our earthly journey, the Lord has promised, “I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up” (D&C 84:88). That is an everlasting declaration of God’s love and care for us, including—and perhaps especially—in times of trouble. . ."

". . . Furthermore, we note that not only has the Savior suffered, in His case entirely innocently, but so have most of the prophets and other great men and women recorded in the scriptures. The point is this: if you are having a bad day, you’ve got a lot of company—very, very good company. The best company that has ever lived. . ."

". . .Therefore … let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed” (D&C 123:17; emphasis added).

". . .What a tremendously optimistic and faithful concluding declaration to be issued from a prison-temple! When he wrote those lines, Joseph did not know when he would be released or if he would ever be released. There was every indication that his enemies were still planning to take his life.
. . .Yet in these cold, lonely hours, Joseph says let us do all we can and do it cheerfully. And then we can justifiably turn to the Lord, wait upon His mercy, and see His arm revealed in our behalf.
What a magnificent attitude to maintain in good times or bad, in sorrow or in joy!"

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Secondary infertility (some thoughts and feelings)

I did the last post to give people a background as to some of the facts of what has been going on the past two years. This post is more to let people know of some of the thoughts and feelings I have had along the way. I am trying to break things up so that people don't have to read super long posts.

There have been many people who have said something to the effect of "just be grateful that you have two children." I know that they don't mean anything by it, but I just want to say that I know that I have two of the most amazing, beautiful, sweet, caring, loving and healthy children on this earth and, if anything, this experience has made me appreciate them even more. I thank Heavenly Father for them every single day of my life (sometimes I find myself crying because I feel so grateful and blessed to have them). I now know that every single pregnancy and child is truly a blessing and a miracle.

This being said, it does not stop the desire I am feeling to add to our family. I feel like our family is not complete and after seeing different characteristics Arwen and Jackson have I find myself wondering what the next child's personality might be like, what he/she might look like, what funny things he/she might do or say and how Arwen and Jackson would interact with a new baby and sibling.

I know that I cannot completely understand what someone who has not been able to get pregnant at all is going through, but I do know that my heart aches. Like I said before there are many times when I break down just longing to be pregnant again, longing to rock a baby to sleep at night, longing to be able to smell that sweet newborn scent anytime I want to, longing to hear those sweet baby noises and wondering if and when it will happen again.

There have also been times when I have felt out of place. I am not done having kids, but I have two kids already (which I had on my own without any fertility treatments). I am not pregnant and I do not have a child even under the age of two. There have been conversations I have been left out of (not intentionally) because I am just in an awkward place in my life.

There have also been times when I feel so frustrated with my body. It used to work close to perfect in this department and now the doctors cannot find anything wrong, but there IS something wrong. I just feel so helpless and out of control and that too is so hard for me to deal with.

I hope that in writing these thoughts and feelings down that I have not made anyone feel bad. That is not my intention. I just want to be able to express myself and to let those people who have said that they do not understand what I am going through, but that they want to know, be able to better understand how I am feeling.